I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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