Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
