i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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