i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
