Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
