I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
