I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
