is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
