I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
