Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize