a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
