its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
