we have officially lost it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
