They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
