What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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