if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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