if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
