why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
