His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
