I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
