I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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