He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
