Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
