he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Too much gin, very little bucket
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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