Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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