I have demons in me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize