Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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