Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
