chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
