If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
