She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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