separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
