my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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