The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
