last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
