Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize