Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will pee on everything he values.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
