i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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