I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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