you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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