I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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