i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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