My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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