dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
