I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
