Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize