sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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