I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
