I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
