In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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