My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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