Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
