trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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