your parents love me but you hate me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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