Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
