i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
