shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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