That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
