I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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