It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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