someone threw a dead crab at me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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