Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
