Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
