The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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