I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
