I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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