thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
