I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to make out with him forever
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize