it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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