I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
