oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize