i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
