i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
