There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Randomize