Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
