Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
