Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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