what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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