i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
