FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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