He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my being single is dangerous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize