I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
