if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
