6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
