You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Im part way to drunk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
