you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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