remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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