just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
