Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
