He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize