you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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